An hour in my shoes…

An hour isn’t really that long out of your day, sometimes lots can happen in an hour and sometimes nothing. Sometimes when you have 3 children, you combine the two and lots of things happen that are nothing to do with helping you get out the door… Life in our house from 7.30-8.30am yesterday …

Middle F insists on crumpets for breakfast, we have crumpets, winner. Warm buttery crumpets are presented only to be greeted with tears as when he asked for crumpets he actually meant cereal. Obviously.

Little B was still asleep so I took the opportunity to jump in the shower, only he woke up just before I stepped in. It was ok as my eldest two were quietly eating breakfast watching Postman Pat cock up postal orders (lovely guy but who knew so much post could end up going to the wrong place or end up being eaten by a rogue sheep in such a small village?!) and Little B was happily lying on our bed. All is well, until I hear the thunderous stampede of Middle F making a beeline for our bedroom…

He loves his brother and would never intentionally hurt him but frequently gets a little over zealous with love. I frantically scrub away whilst trying to lure Middle F into the bathroom so I know he’s not squashing his brother into the bed.

Quickly looking around as a distraction I spot Georgie Pig wearing a tiny pair of pants. Pants! That’s the answer, Middle F loves anything to do with that area. I call out, “Quick come and look at Georgie Pig in his pants!” A curious little voice pipes up, “Pants?!” and pad, pad, pad sure enough he emerges. Takes one look at the pants. I could tell what was going through his mind- Any bum to see? No. Any willy on show? No. Is he farting like a trooper? No. In that case he’s boring, and off he goes.

Crap. Shower has ended. By the time I reach the bedroom Middle F is already naked doing headstands next to where Little B is lying. Headstands that with one minor error would result in landing on the baby’s head, that’s wonderful.

Just to make it a little more exciting Middle F is inadvertently wiping Little B’s muslin cloth through his bum crack and over his willy, repeatedly, he then decides when Little B whimpers that he of course needs his muzzie so proceeds to press it down on his face as an offering. Suffocation by bum crack scented muzzie- poor chap. I asked Middle F to please remove the muzzie from his face, with which he promptly straddled him with his nether regions a mere whisker from his brother’s nose, giving a whole new meaning to giving your brother a ‘wet willy’.

Big T enters the mix by backing into the room, wriggling his bum and singing ‘Steal my Girl’ by One Direction. Once he had an audience of brothers his act quickly evolved into a naked rendition of Gangnam Style. I feel we then reached a new important milestone in Little B’s development as he laughed at his brother’s dance. Such fun.

I asked Big T to go and get dressed ready for school and off he goes, followed by Middle F. Phew. Next thing I hear is them talking to each other about needing to get rid of the baddie. I walk into their room to find them both still naked, other than pants (some progression) sitting on the top bunk, straddling a life sized stuffed crocodile both armed with a miniature plastic sword from the game ‘Pop up Pirate’.

Four wide eyes look at me very sweetly as if to say, ‘Sorry mum but we’re just attending to some important business.’ I’m all up for important business to be addressed but not when we have 15 minutes until we leave for school.

Finally get all 3 dressed and almost ready to go. Buggy loaded as Middle F insists he brings the plastic handle that has broken off the hand held mirror in the bathroom. Nice and sharp and a totally inappropriate toy… in it goes to save the agro (auto correct changed that to ‘Afro’, it probably saved that too as if a wrestle to get in the buggy had begun that’s probably what I would have ended up with).

Middle F then said that his eyes were too cold so needed to cover them with a blanket. Treat. Your. Self.


All set and ready to go- it’s perfectly normal for a day to begin with lots of naked dancing and battling to save the house from evil…isn’t it??





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