Boys and Bogs

Toilets and toilet activity feature highly in our lives, in any family life I expect. On more than one occasion I’ve been woken at 5am or earlier by a child flying in like Sonic declaring “I need a pooooooo!” Never understood the crack of dawn poo, (excuse the pun again) always think your guts need time to ‘come round’after a sleep (not as strange as the 10pm poo though, that’s a really odd occurance, who poos at 10pm?!)

Anyway, kids like to hang out in the toilet for a long time. A. Very. Long. Time. We like to keep a few items of literature in our toilet for stays of a longer nature. We try to cater for visitors of all ages such as ‘Huckle’s good manners’ by Richard Scarry, alongside ‘Two Nuns in a Bath’ joke book and ‘Where’s Bin Laden?’ (like Where’s Wally but you’re searching for a terrorist instead of a wally)

Big T proudly announced to us one day that he could read a new book in the toilet, expecting him to pick up the adventures of Huckle, I was a little mortified when he started to read from the adult joke book….here’s hoping he doesn’t tell his new found jokes at school…time for a change around in the bog library perhaps…

When heading in for the long haul, our eldest likes to take some form of entertainment, usually Lego. You always run a bit of a gauntlet when you rearrange Lego pieces over an open pan I believe, but you know what they say, if you’re not living on the edge you’re taking up too much room…

One day the inevitable happened and whilst within the post-poo but pre-wipe window Big T’s favourite Lego ensemble fell down the pan and became embedded in the epic dump below.

Seeing the heartbreak on his face, his dad vowed to retrieve the treasured item from the toilet and went to gather his tools. First object of choice for removal? kebab sticks of course. Obvious choice. Two thin wooden sticks with pointy ends, just perfect for manically attempting to pincer together whilst they do nothing but slice through the poo and slide past the supersonic Lego radar with headlights attached. No joy.

Removal was eventually completed using a tea strainer. An good old fashioned tea strainer. Perfect cuppage for scooping yet numerous holes for draining offending bog juice. What a father will do for the love of his son.

If anyone asked me an item that as a parent I could never live without I wouldn’t even have to think about it. Hands down it would easily be the pee bottle we keep in the car. Can’t just be any pee bottle, needs to be hardcore plastic with a bowled bottom and a lid. Secure lid is a must; catering for both high volume of liquid and safe transportation. Frequently in use, it has saved us on many an occasion where boys were caught short and had nowhere to go. Used the other day, I brought it in to rinse out, stuck it in the sink and forgot all about it, was really pleased when the carpet fitter went to put his mug in the sink and had to place it next to the pee bottle I’d forgotten about. Awkward.


Big T and Middle F shut themselves in the downstairs loo the other day. When asked through the door what they were doing, still in nappies Middle F calmly replied ‘Just on toilet’ (situation was instantly suspicious as he doesn’t actually use one) as Big T repeatedly shouted “Let’s bring this baby home”

If those four walls could talk…

Sometimes we embrace the obsessions with toilets around here and sometimes you just need a break. Bought a chocolate bar the other day and once opened I realised it was something that couldn’t escape me and how ever hard I tried, would often be staring me in the face…




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